We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
