There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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