I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
