A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
