Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
