my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
