Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
