I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
