mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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