you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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