Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
