is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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