Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
