I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
