Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
