"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
