Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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