im drinking this country out of the recession.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
