I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
