i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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