I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
