first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
