i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
