I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
