I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
