I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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