there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
