Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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