This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
