I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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