What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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