Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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