we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
