i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
