So drunk its hurt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
