I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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