Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The struggles of a small town man whore
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
