i just had sex bonerless
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
