well I can't set my house on fire every night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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