oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
