took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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