So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
