but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
