I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wear drunk well.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
do nipples grow back?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
