nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
