Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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