His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
