Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
