put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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