I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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